Protect your day and take a pass

Allow me to offer you a solution to being partnered on a pickleball court with a player who makes you feel “less than.” It is one of those ideas that you cannot “unsee” once exposed to it. You may even put your palm to your forehead and exclaim, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

And once you realize the power that you wield over your own game arc, you will be in a position to protect yourself from needless negativity in an environment that should be healthy and positive.

The “Less Than” Player

We’ve all experienced it: the player who brings us down. Makes us feel “less than.”

I’m not referring here to the player who doesn't quite play the way we think is best. Or the player who missed the shot that could have won the game. Or even the player who does not tap paddles or smile.

The player I mean here is the player who actively brings us down:

• Rolls their eyes/slumps their shoulders/exhales when we miss
• Continually tries to coach us – regardless of their own level of understanding and whether we want coaching
• Makes negative/derogatory remarks about us, our opponents, or other players in the group
• Otherwise conducts themselves in a way that leaves us feeling worse walking off the court than we did walking on. 

That is what I mean by a player who makes you feel “less than.” In most play circles, we are referring here to the extreme cases in the group. The player who causes us anxiety or stress just thinking about having to play with them.

You are NOT required to play

The following statements may seem obvious, but they must be expressed. They are what allows us to make the recommendation at the end of this article. Plus, sometimes we need the obvious path laid out for us so we can clearly see it.

1. Pickleball is a voluntary activity. It is not necessary for your livelihood, safety, etc.
2. Pickleball is supposed to be a positive experience. We should usually leave the courts feeling better about life than when we got there.

If the above statements are correct – which I submit they are – then these logically follow:

1. You do not need to play any game. Said differently: you are not required to step out onto the pickleball court at any time or with any player. You can always choose not to.
2. You are allowed to select for positivity. If something in this voluntary and supposed-to-be-good-for-you activity called pickleball feels off, you are allowed to avoid it.

From this vantage point, the following should be clear:

You have the power to play/not play with any player or on any court you choose.

I use this concept a lot in my coaching: your agency. There are parts of your life over which your agency is limited: world affairs, some family matters, health outcomes. Pickleball is NOT one of the areas of limited agency. Rather, pickleball is pretty much all within your control.

Regardless of whether you decide to exercise that agency with the “less than” player, take agency away from this article. Know that most of your pickleball journey is within your control. From on-court decisions (like letting out balls go) to the community you choose to engage with.

While on the community front, if you like this approach to the game, join me in the TRP Community. It’s free to join. Just go to TonyRoigPickleball.com. While there, you can pick a no-cost Mini-Course and opt in to our community. If you choose to come in, you’ll find an awesome group of players all working to become the best version of themselves.

You have the power to play/not play with any player or on any court you choose. That said, I urge you not to use your power to avoid playing with players who may not be quite at your level. We should strive to maintain a certain amount of play fluidity (up and down) in our sport. And remember that you will sometimes be the player looking up and hoping to play with more experienced players. Do your part the other way.

SIDE NOTE: Keep Your Role in Mind

If you’ve read this far, you are unlikely to be a player who makes others feel “less than.” But it is worth checking ourselves.

I have been guilty of unintentionally making a partner feel “less than” through a shoulder roll after a missed shot. I am more aware of that now and do a better job of supporting my partner, including by letting them know “no problem” after they apologize for missing a shot.

If appropriate, check yourself the next time you play. Let’s do our best to keep our (and our partner’s) experiences positive on the court.

Saying “No Thank You”

Our agency in hand, we’re now ready to handle the “less than” player.

You’re up next in the rotation. Also up is the “less than” player. What to do?

The solution is actually fairly easy: you take a pass. How you go about taking the pass will depend on what you are comfortable doing. But, no matter what, you take a pass.

The reason you take a pass is simple: you are responsible for your well-being. And you have 100% agency over the decision to play – or not to play – with a player who makes you feel “less than.” Pretty straightforward once you see it spelled out.

So how do you go about it? Here are a few things you can say:

• “I need to make a call.”
• “I need to rest a moment.”
• “I’m going to wait.”
• “No thank you.”

Pick an approach that works for you. Agree with yourself on it before you head to the courts. You want to have it in mind. For most players, feeling like they are going against the grain by refusing a game is a stressful experience. Having your approach ready to go will make it easier and more likely that you will carry through.

Because there is one thing that should be non-negotiable: you are no longer going to allow the “less than” player to bring your day down.

The longer-term group solution

This article would not be complete without a brief observation on how the community can address “less than” players in its midst. Saying “no thank you” is a great solution for you as an individual. It protects you from the negative effects of playing with this player, and you should use it.

But saying “no thank you” doesn’t provide a long-term solution for the group. 

I adhere to the idea that every person who wishes to should be able to enjoy our sport. See above about play fluidity. That said, I also adhere to the view that pickleball should be a positive experience for you (and everyone).

Is there a way we can positively influence the behavior of the “less than” player in your group? I believe so. It would require someone in the community to speak with the “less than” player to make them aware of what is happening. Because the concern is shared across the group, this is not one person against another. It is not personal. It is the group's standard, and the player can decide whether to meet it if they want to keep playing.

If the player does not adjust their behavior, and if enough players in the group choose not to play with them, then the group would cede the court to the player for the average amount of time that a game is played there. The player could then run laps around the court or hit some serves.

Seems extreme, but it really is just a matter of agency. Each player uses theirs to protect their own day. The "less than" player uses theirs to decide whether to adjust their behavior, or not.

No matter the long-term outcome, exercise your agency as needed to protect your relationship with our beautiful sport.

Be well,

Tony

Visit TonyRoigPickleball.com for more resources and coaching like this.